I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
