so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
