I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Randomize
