Screwed.edu
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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