never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
