I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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