How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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