I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I just googled if crying burns calories
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Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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