So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Randomize
