Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks