i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
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There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
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Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.