I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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