just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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