So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
