I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
