Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
