i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize