smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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