If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
