I just cut my nipple shaving
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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