Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
