he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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