it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I just googled if crying burns calories
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Let's get the cat blown out
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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