You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
