I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
This house was built for laser tag.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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