he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
