Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
