I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
