Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
