He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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