4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
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Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
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You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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