I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I have feelings that need drinking.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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Randomize
