Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Randomize
