The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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