Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
He better not be in your backpack
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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