and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize