So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
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I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
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I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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