he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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