u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
