Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
