my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
