I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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