He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
