the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
