fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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