She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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