a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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