Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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