You don't have asthma, your pregnant
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
