I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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