If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
