Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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