dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
There's even glitter on my cock...
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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