So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize