I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
