Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
