dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
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