did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
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It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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