oh god the rape fog is back!
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
handjob tips. give me some.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
